HUGS

I read something recently that resonated deeply. 

The people in the costumes at Disneyland - Mickey Mouse, Minnie, Daisy, Donald, Pluto, etc - are trained not to ever let go of a hug first. That when a child (and sometimes, I imagine, an adult) hugs them, they need to hug for as long as that other person wants to hug. They can never initiate the end of the hug. Sometimes this leads to hugs that go on for minutes (which isn’t a long time to drive somewhere, for instance, but is a pretty long time for a hug). 

I began doing this with my own family, and it’s been really cool. I noticed how often my inclination was to end a hug with one of my own kids. Not because I don’t love them more than anything, but because a two minute hug, while I’m running to a virtual meeting, felt really long. But so what, right? What’s more important: a meeting or hugging my kids for as long as they’d like? 

I thought about how this kind of thing is one of many things that builds culture. It’s small, but it matters. 

Two years ago, my wife and I made the decision (technically, my wife just told me this was happening) to home school our middle guy, Teddy. He was in the autism program in our local school district, and it was going mostly fine. We disagreed with some of their approaches, but again, they were doing a fine job. Also, because he puts so many things in his mouth, he was getting sick often, and he was missing so much school as a result.

So, now, we have teachers and therapists coming to our house all day (even in the summer), and it’s going great. 

Up until now, most of his teachers and therapists were young, between twenty-five and thirty-five, who, while great, were a bit flaky. They’d often call out “sick” the night after a holiday (St. Patty’s Day and Cinco De Mayo, for instance). In one case, one of his therapists told us that her flight was delayed coming back from Florida, so she couldn’t make it in. But we knew she actually drove to Florida as her fiance had picked her up from our house, car packed with luggage, the previous week. 

Again, these people were great, but they’d show up late every single day (sometimes thirty minutes or more), iced coffee in hand, with no acknowledgement. If you know me, you know this kind of thing drives me insane. But they were amazing with our little guy, and my wife threatened my life if I were to say anything to them. 

Recently, he got a new lead therapist. A very serious, extremely professional person who shows up early every day. She stays late. She’s even worked on Saturdays to provide extra support for him. 

And guess what: all the other teachers and therapists who’d stroll in late are all, now, magically on time. You see, they work in concert with each other. So when someone showed up thirty minutes late, the other people could as well. But now, with this new person, the entire culture changed. 

I tell teams all the time, “The little things are the big things.” 

Great ideas are fine. Big visionary pieces can be really impactful. But when I’ve seen culture shift, it’s always been because of the little things. Things like being on time or the length of a hug.