THEY MIGHT LEAVE
The common refrain I hear from leaders as it pertains to delivering tough feedback to someone, writing them up, or even putting them on an improvement plan, is that if one of those things is done, the other person might leave. They might quit the org, they might storm out, and they may try to burn it down as they do.
I get this fear, and I believe it’s mostly authentic. Sure, sometimes the person with the feedback is using this as an excuse to avoid the discomfort of actually having this conversation, and sometimes both things are true. Meaning, they are trying to avoid the conversation because of their own insecurities and they’re also genuinely worried that the person will walk out.
This issue here is that there’s just very little evidence to support that this is something that happens. At least, very little evidence that it’s something that happens enough for it to be as present or frequently articulated a worry as it often is.
A former coach of mine used to use the term, “Destructive Imagination” to describe that thing that many of us do where we visualize the very worst possible outcome as we’re going into any situation. I’m sure, at least some of you reading this, have had trouble sleeping over the idea that your transatlantic flight might break up over the middle of the ocean sending you falling 35,000 feet into a freezing cold, crashing ocean (not that the water conditions would matter at that point).
Finding a new job isn’t always easy. And for many of us, there’s comfort in what we know and know well. When I was a teacher, there were a handful of staff members who talked consistently at happy hours about how much they hated working at our school. And guess what? Twenty years later, many of them are still there!
From everything to learning a new route to work to learning everyone’s names to needing to be trained on a litany of new systems to even enrolling in the company’s health insurance and 401K plans, getting a new job can be really annoying. Sure, lots and lots of people do it. But rarely have I seen it be because someone held them accountable for their work.
Now, when feedback barely exists, communication is poor, morale is low because systems are frustrating and clunky, expectations are confusing or non-existent, and everyone is operating in whatever way they see fit and you fly in with a written warning for something a person (and others) has done dozens of times, you just never noticed, that feedback might be a last straw for some folks.
So, if that’s the case, this concern makes sense. And, if that’s the case, call me right now. I’m not joking - 516.840.4386.
But, for most of you, ask yourself if the slight (and I mean slight) concern that delivering constructive feedback and even doling out some kind of consequence, directly aligned to what you all relentlessly message you care about, would drive someone away from your team outweighs the downside of not holding someone to the standard you’ve set and that everyone else is accountable to.
I’d bet it doesn’t. And honestly, if direct and aligned feedback delivered with care and grounded in support would send someone running, you’re likely lucky to find this out before this person can truly negatively affect your culture.
