Take Serious Feedback from Serious People, Seriously

Tough feedback can sting. Even for the most resilient of us.

It’s important, though, to be able to compartmentalize feedback that matters from feedback that’s unhelpful, misaligned, and random.

You should always take serious feedback from serious people, seriously. Especially if it’s connected to the work and outcomes that you and your team agree you’re striving for.

But sometimes, feedback isn’t serious and shouldn’t be acted upon. And in many cases, you get to choose.

Here are two examples.

A few years ago, I received feedback that when talking to a group of mixed-gendered people, I’d refer to them, almost solely, as “Guys.”

It was shared with me that this wasn’t inclusive and that I should change my language to make everyone in the audience feel like I was speaking to them.

This is serious and helpful feedback. I changed my language as a result of it.

I began referring to groups like the one I just referenced as, “Friends.”

As in, “Okay, friends. Let’s take ten minutes to work with partners on this.”

I then received feedback from someone who told me that it was “presumptuous” to call people I’d never met, “friends” as we weren’t actually friends yet.

This, to me, was unserious feedback. And not something I had any interest in taking action on.

Yes, if your boss or your board tells you you need to do X or Y thing and you don’t agree, and you’ve shared that with them (with rationale and alternative solutions), you might have to do X or Y thing.

But if someone tells you something that you just plain disagree with, and it’s not grounded in data and feels more like an opinion than something that will radically shift your practice, don’t do it. Make sure it’s not your ego talking here and that you’re not just annoyed at hearing something you don’t like.

Then tell them thanks but no thanks.